A new start

I havn't been bothered to post anything lately, trust me I've had the time just that since new year so much has changed.
Not sure if it has changed for the better but for now I'm on my own, independent and trying to figure out who I am again.
I have grown a lot  in the past three years and now it is time that I use what Ive learnt to create my own life, the way I want it to be. It is difficult as I am not used to it but in the end I think I will be proud of myself of getting far.
I've started to accept who I am and also accept asking for help from other people. not always showing the fake and strong side of me to the outer world, maybe its time that people start seeing who I am.
I really hope that this coming year will help me become a stronger person. And maybe I might even become less hard on myself, as no one can be perfect. I am tired of trying to live up to something impossible.

I have a lot of lovely people around me both those with the smaller roles as the kind bike repairer that makes me smile or the more important ones as my friends and family, I think their support can motivate me to keep looking forward.

- THE LONGER YOU WAIT FOR THE FUTURE, THE SHORTER IT WILL BE/ Loesje

Xmas wishlist :D

A few weeks ago I walked into urban outfitters and managed to make a huuuge wishlist on what I would die to have from only that store... :S Biggest want is the sweater with the raindeers for 60€ :O

A map u can scratch of the places you have been to
@urbanoutfitters

Urban outfitters

@urbanoutfitters

@urbanoutfitters

Tetris light ^^
Urbanoutfitters

Led light with The P ias in PAWESOME
Urbanoutfitters

Urbanoutfitters

Urbanoutfitters

Urbanoutfitters

Urbanoutfitters

Urbanoutfitters

woow that was deep

Hey, last month has been such a chaos, but I am really happy Im starting to get some friends since the silence is literally killing me sometimes. So be honest idk where the typical awesome student life is around here, I feel jealous when I see my old friends post pictures where they have fun with their new friends and seem to have such an awesome time. What did I do wrong not to experience that.

Why am I the one crying with a friend at dinner since we really feel we made a mistake in life. 

But I believe there is always a bright side to things, but missing old life is never going to disappear. Yesterday I failed my first exam and got two more to go, it feels unfair that working so hard for something often doesn't turn out as it should.

I bought my first pair of converse a few weeks ago, except they only gave temporary happiness and ill better hit the chocolate to increase my dopamine levels.

I feel like a cactus

Sometimes It's quite scary how some songs just fit so well to ones personal emotions that you yourself didn't quite know you had in you or just didn't know how to put in your own words. Therefore I feel i have to share this specific song I bumped into. A quite new song by "Lights" but also Owl city, my mentor in life. (Thanks for helping me understand myself, Adam Young)

CACTUS IN THE VALLEY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LkKZmonqR8

I never meant to wither
I wanted to be tall
Like a fool left the river
And watched my branches fall
Old and thirsty, I longed for the flood
To come back around
To the cactus in the valley
That's about to crumble down

And wipe the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

So, the storm finally found me
And left me in the dark
In the cloud around me
I don't know where you are
If this whole world goes up in arms
All I can do is stand
And I won't fight for anyone
Until you move my hand

And wipe the mark of madness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

Oh, here
In the shadow
Here I am
And I need someone by my side
It becomes so
Hard to stand
And I keep trying to dry my eyes
Come and find me
In the valley

And wipe the mark of sadness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name

Wipe the mark of madness from my face
Show me that your love will never change
If my yesterday is a disgrace
Tell me that you still recall my name
Woo ooh
Tell me that you still recall my name, no
Tell me that you still recall my name, mm mm

Change in plans

Heyheyhey... let me drop the bomb, IM GOING HOME TODAY ALREADY!!! Yup next week all my classes got canceled and I thought why not go earlier to Finland. So now I get to be home for 1½ week instead of just 4 days. Anyway this of course created a chaos had to run to the store and buy some yummy dutch stuff for my family, I still have to clean my room, I'm afraid my luggage is to heavy and worse of all I HAVE NEVER GONE MY AIRPLANE ON MY OWN. And you think pfff how hard can it be? And i say it isnt. But who's shoulder do i cry on now if my flight gets canceled? But as the motto of dutch goes "YOLO" Im gona be fine...
Oh and what sense does it make that guy clothes are always cheaper than girl clothes even when they look exactly the same and even have better quality... Bought a sweater from the guy section for almost half the price the girl of that sweater would have been? Proven once again life as a girl is harder than for guys...

Dem sweater (can anyone see its a guys sweater? cmon..)

Hi im a blowfish and this is my new hat... H&M

I wanna go home

I guess uni life was slightly harder than I expected it would be, especially the loneliness.
Most of the people in my class or that I know don't even live close to Leiden so I never get to go out with them or waste my Friday evenings with them.
There is a countdown in 8 days Ill spend a few days in Finland, I miss my family, my sister, jenkki purukumi, risifrutti and finnkino and hanko sushi and Pizzarium with their nutella pizzas. Oh and everyday i still listen to radio x3m at my breakfast since I just cant listen to dutch radio XD (its just depressive)

So lately I've been trying to make time go faster by trying different sports e.g. hiphop im still very much into, however i love Zumba now and maybe ill even get my lazy butt to the gym every now and then. Except Motivation oh motivation could use some of that...
Last Friday the faculty celebrated their 50 year anniversary  which meant that the faculty building turned into a party place with sticky beer floors I wonder how they managed to get the building into a normal uni again x)

Ohyeah and just for absolutely no reason i bought this short biker jacket with studs ^^. My new addiction I guess ill be wearing it a lot and grow old with it.

ONLY 50€ 10€

Now Im off to the uni to hand in some homework and a 4h lecture -.-

First day of Uni

Yesterday I had my first day of uni which surprisingly was a kick in the face. At first we were given a paper with deadlines including an exam on upcoming Friday.  And after that we were put to directly follow a 4h long lecture where the docent just threw statistical equations on a huge screen. :D That sure was an interesting introduction day. Im happy with the schedule as i only have 3h a lectures a day usually from 11-13 so the rest of the day is met for self studying, i could handle that :) So the 1st thing i did when i got home was to grab the book and started studying for the exam... :s 

I study at Leiden university, Psychology in dutch and we are all together 500 students and i think the plan is to end up with half of that before xmas as people realize it might not be the study for them. I want to become a neuropsychologist or a "legal psychologist" whatever you call it but im heading for the more biological part of this, I would never be able to handle depressive children.

Aanyway soon i gota head over to the uni so nice its a 10min biking distance so I get to sleep soo much longer :)

Later alligater.